I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
