why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
