I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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