I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
