He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
