Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
