and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
