you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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