when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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