One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
