Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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