I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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