sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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