I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
