I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
