i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
