So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
