I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ttyl tear gas
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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