careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
