We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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