We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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