i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
