I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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