I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
