Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
