we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
