I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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