looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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