Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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