dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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