I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
