I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
