May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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