I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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