I have demons in me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
