went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
