I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
