I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
