why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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