i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
