i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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