Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
