I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
