How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
