I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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