I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All I want is dick and wine.
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