Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
