you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
