morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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