Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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