so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
