someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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