i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Watching her eat just hurts me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize