One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
