My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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