If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
