He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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