this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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