By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
