an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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