In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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