Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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