My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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