apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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