More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
