Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i think i just lost a toe
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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