nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
two words: eviction party
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
