Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do herpes really smell.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
