just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
