You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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